Sex myths II: Misperception – No penetration = no sex.

Massive issue when it comes to sexual assault (“It’s not rape, I did not penetrate her!”) and cheating (“I just gave her head”) but I want to keep it on a much lighter note.

My point is: if you consider having sex only if there is penetration, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. And frankly, you’re limiting yourself.

I hear some people complain that they just have sex once a month and that’s because they consider having sex when they have physical penetration. However, getting ready for penetration does take a lot of time, not just for gay sex and yes, one doesn’t have always the luxury of time. Morning sex is fantastic but who has the time for a quick cleaning before breakfast, work and everything? Also one has just woken up and rings are tight in the morning so the foreplay tends to last a bit longer than after a wine-filled romantic diner, sure.

So do enlarge your definition of what is sex and you’ll find out you (can) do a lot of it!  Foreplay is sex, blowjob is sex, handjob is sex, masturbation is sex…I would say that anything intended for carnal pleasure is sex.  No having time for penetration does not mean you don’t have time for sex and they can all be as fulfilling and pleasurable as penetration. A good handjob with a bit of cum-control given by your partner in the morning is beyond!

So don’t feel like sex was bad or rare because you did not put it in some hole in the pelvis area or you did not get anything up there. Thank God we consider bondage as sex even without penetration or it would basically be nothing but torture. Which I guess it is for people whose conception of sex is limited to a penis in a vagina.

I know the whole idea of sex=penetration coming from the belief of sex as a sole act of conception and the penis-envy that supposedly comes from it. Thank you Freud! The implication of the penis as the centre of our sex lives are numerous: like as men not being able to fathom that lesbians can have sex without using penis-shaped utensils. Yes, lesbians do not always use dildoes! “What do they do, then?” asked my brother, stunned.

There is also reducing the definition of a couple to the simple act of penetration. I know a gay couple who never had anal sex so people say they are not a real couple or not gay. Yes, they are a couple because they live together and love each other. They have sex because they do other things together. And yes, they are gay because they love men. The definition of gay doesn’t require taking a penis up your anus. It’s just a plus, the definition of being a gay man is just being attracted to men.

Now it’s up to you but look carefully at your sex life and you’ll find it you have sex more often than you think. Also widen your definition of sex will allow you to do more of it in various times, shapes and forms.

PS: You can also have an orgasm without ejaculating. The joy of anal sex!


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